Lessons learned

"No regrets in life. Just lessons learned."

How not true the above phrase is to me. If you know me well, you would know that I have a super long list of regrets. But none is ever too big deal that I cannot 'redha' with. In fact, all of my regrets are just meant to stay in those 'regrets list' and not for me to dwell and cry over. Okay fine, I do sometimes cry my heart out reminiscing on the things I wish I did/didn't do in the past, but that would be just for (at most) a day of emotions and I will try my best to power through and move on like how we all supposed to do, right? So now, I kinda want to rename those regrets as 'lessons learned' so it will sound more like a reflections in somewhat positive way.

I would say things have changed, a lot for the past year (or shorter, months). Yep, how fast time flies right? And just in a short period of time, so many things have changed too. Personally for me, I have changed. I am no longer a medical student, I live full-time with my parents now, I do mainly nothing in a day, I have no more big commitments and the list goes on (as how you would expect a 'penganggur' to be doing LOL). It is kind of refreshing to be in a state where I am right now, because honestly I never really liked who I was before. Well... again... 'regrets'... Not that I wasn't happy being myself in the past, but I like myself much better now. I assume this must be something to do with happiness and love. Yep, honestly I have never been happier (too). It feels just so right to be with the family most of the time, to never have to think about other people, or things that make me 'serabut' like exams or assessments or patients/hospitals etc. I may sound selfish, but I guess that (my own happiness) is all matters right now, at least to me. It's so true when people say only your family truly loves and cares for you. I can feel it now, honestly. Just my very first 'lessons learned' 😉

Lesson number two ; not everyone stays in your life. Friends come and go.
Despite all the loves I constantly get from my family, I still feel like there's a small hole in my heart that craves for another affections. Nope, not really as what you're thinking right now, but it could be true too 😜. Being away from friends (whom I was with most of the time when I was in Jordan) makes me feel this way somehow. For someone who doesn't have much friends, I just feel like I don't have friends anymore. No offense. I know these people are somewhere somewhere but you know when you don't physically see them in person you just feel the distance, (well only if you can relate but I guess you can't). Of course, me living in far east coast contributes the biggest to this problem. And I know how bad I am in keeping in touch with people I care for, I just suck at this friendship/relationship stuffs. No, I am not blaming anyone else either. I appreciate the love I got from people, but I just realised how not everyone really means what they say. They can just say they miss me / love me but you just know they don't when you can't feel it. I know few people mean well, and very few actually really care for me, at least I feel that way. Well, I hope they really do cause I don't want this to be just one-sided. To that few people, I appreciate the love and care, thank you for not sacking me away from your life, and for still appreciating me as your friend despite everything I am.

It's just too long already, and I don't think I can continue writing anymore. So, I guess this is the first two. I will continue when I have time (I have all the time I want but I am most of the time lazy tbh LOL). I don't know how some people would think of this post, but if you feel bad for me, you really don't have to, because I am fine with whatever and whomever I am currently blessed with. Life has to go on, and I just wish I will get to meet more people in the future and learn more from them, for another lessons learned 👌.