Twenty-four!

I'm 24 years old today, alhamdulillah. (My birthday was yesterday, 17th October). How exciting!! There is so much I'm looking forward to be doing and achieve in this 24th year of my life. 2018 is ending in 10 weeks and 6 days (no, I did not count it myself, I googled this lol). And of course 2019 is going to be the year that so many things will happen. Oh God, I'm so scared now. One thing for sure is that I will start my housemanship next year, emm okay actually it is not really confirmed that it will be next year as it could be by the end of this year but the possibility is low so let's just target I will be called next year somewhere in February or March okay?

I am feeling so blessed and grateful to be given another day to live. Knowing that I have people who love me around, that is definitely the thing I can't afford to lose. Honestly, I can't imagine myself living away from my parents anymore after years of living abroad. So please please pray that I'll get to do my HOship in Terengganu, pleaseeee. Ameen, Ya Rabb.

Personally to me, birthdays are not really a huge thing. But I know that it is no harm to celebrate the day we were born with the people we love. I appreciate it so much when my friends made effort to wish me on my birthday. I had my bestfriend, Nisa' calling me after her long day at the clinic. Tbh, I haven't met Nisa' in years and I feel bad that I have so much free time now but I still couldn't go see her. I hope someday we will get to see each other again. She's the best, my Raja 💖. And of course, my other close friends who texted and called, thank you for still not forgetting me hehe. I pray that all the wishes everyone wished me come true and I wish for everyone all the goodness too, inshaAllah.

Love (to love and be loved) is definitely the best 'thing' Allah has ever created. And to realise that humans' love are only 0.1% of Allah's love, mashaAllah He is indeed The Greatest. May we all get to feel the love from Allah and to love Him as The One. Ameen. 

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Lessons learned

"No regrets in life. Just lessons learned."

How not true the above phrase is to me. If you know me well, you would know that I have a super long list of regrets. But none is ever too big deal that I cannot 'redha' with. In fact, all of my regrets are just meant to stay in those 'regrets list' and not for me to dwell and cry over. Okay fine, I do sometimes cry my heart out reminiscing on the things I wish I did/didn't do in the past, but that would be just for (at most) a day of emotions and I will try my best to power through and move on like how we all supposed to do, right? So now, I kinda want to rename those regrets as 'lessons learned' so it will sound more like a reflections in somewhat positive way.

I would say things have changed, a lot for the past year (or shorter, months). Yep, how fast time flies right? And just in a short period of time, so many things have changed too. Personally for me, I have changed. I am no longer a medical student, I live full-time with my parents now, I do mainly nothing in a day, I have no more big commitments and the list goes on (as how you would expect a 'penganggur' to be doing LOL). It is kind of refreshing to be in a state where I am right now, because honestly I never really liked who I was before. Well... again... 'regrets'... Not that I wasn't happy being myself in the past, but I like myself much better now. I assume this must be something to do with happiness and love. Yep, honestly I have never been happier (too). It feels just so right to be with the family most of the time, to never have to think about other people, or things that make me 'serabut' like exams or assessments or patients/hospitals etc. I may sound selfish, but I guess that (my own happiness) is all matters right now, at least to me. It's so true when people say only your family truly loves and cares for you. I can feel it now, honestly. Just my very first 'lessons learned' 😉

Lesson number two ; not everyone stays in your life. Friends come and go.
Despite all the loves I constantly get from my family, I still feel like there's a small hole in my heart that craves for another affections. Nope, not really as what you're thinking right now, but it could be true too 😜. Being away from friends (whom I was with most of the time when I was in Jordan) makes me feel this way somehow. For someone who doesn't have much friends, I just feel like I don't have friends anymore. No offense. I know these people are somewhere somewhere but you know when you don't physically see them in person you just feel the distance, (well only if you can relate but I guess you can't). Of course, me living in far east coast contributes the biggest to this problem. And I know how bad I am in keeping in touch with people I care for, I just suck at this friendship/relationship stuffs. No, I am not blaming anyone else either. I appreciate the love I got from people, but I just realised how not everyone really means what they say. They can just say they miss me / love me but you just know they don't when you can't feel it. I know few people mean well, and very few actually really care for me, at least I feel that way. Well, I hope they really do cause I don't want this to be just one-sided. To that few people, I appreciate the love and care, thank you for not sacking me away from your life, and for still appreciating me as your friend despite everything I am.

It's just too long already, and I don't think I can continue writing anymore. So, I guess this is the first two. I will continue when I have time (I have all the time I want but I am most of the time lazy tbh LOL). I don't know how some people would think of this post, but if you feel bad for me, you really don't have to, because I am fine with whatever and whomever I am currently blessed with. Life has to go on, and I just wish I will get to meet more people in the future and learn more from them, for another lessons learned 👌.

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Almost

Hi!

God, it has been like what?! Was it a year or more since I last wrote here? Was just having throwback time reading my old blog posts and some of them really amazed me of how I was once someone who wrote so many things, publicly. And if you have been following or reading my blog since long time ago, you would notice that the current published posts on this blog are reduced, and that's because I have kept most of the old posts in drafts because y'know the thing with 'adulthood and keeping life a secret and just to myself'? LOL. Hehe, at least I am m still trying here. Adulting, *cough cough*.

I'm in my 24th year of life already, how time flies right? Growing up to me, means having so many uncertainties, and surely I'm still way too far from being the person I wanted to be. But as for now, I will try to live in the moment and learn as much as I can to prepare myself for the scary life ahead.

Medical school is also ending very soon, inshaAllah. And for this one particular thing, I just can't believe my own self yet, at least not till the day I officially passed all the exams and graduated with the degree. That's it for now. Till next time, and in the meantime please pray that my next post will be about my graduation day! Ameen, inshaAllah :)

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